Day 4 My parents......

My parents--- what more can I say than I miss them terribly. Dad passed in 2000 and Mom in 2002, both of which were the two saddest days of my life. They lived good lives and were 88 and 86 when they went home to the Lord, but it still breaks my heart that they are not with us. The love that they showed their kids, grandkids, great grand kids, family and freinds was a model for every parent or grandparent who have a family.
My dad; he was a self made man----broken home, alcoholic and sometimes abusive mother, a father who left early on and was not part of my dad's life. He was basically living on he streets of Balimore from the time he was a teenager. He got as far as the 6th grade.Despite this, he worked hard all his life (he was the hardest working man I have ever known), held a full time job for over 60 years (45 of those years were with A&P), all the time raising a family of 3 boys, one of whom was born when he was 45 (that being me). He was dedicated to his family first, and then his job. He worked for everything he had, and worked HARD! Nobody GAVE him anything---he earned it himself. He was also tough as nails...you did NOT want to tangle with this man---he would bury you with his "look" alone----ah, yes, the "LOOK"......you KNEW right away when you were in disfavor with him, or in trouble just by "the Look"......that look would take down an aircraft carrier......the great thing is, he didn;t have to SAY anything----he gave you "the LOOK" and you had a choice---either change your behavior QUICK or you would not see your next birthday. He was tough, disciplined and I personally was afraid of him. He wouldn;t think twice about giving you a good whacking (I was a victim many times---with the belt), which I believe is one of the main reason for whatever success I have had (and never got into any trouble!). Dad had many "ism's" and rules for life which I call "Walter-ism's). A few include:

• never burn bridges as you never know when you will have to cross that bridge again
• never ever be late for a meeting or appointment
• get all the education you can as this is one thing they can never take away from you
• never ever get too big for your britches, no matter how good you are or think you may be, because there is ALWAYS somebody out there who can kick your ass!!!
• don;t expect any one to give you a handout....work for what you need or want....

He was blunt and to the point----no sugar coating---if he though you were full of shit, he would tell you---if he didn;t like you, he would tell you! His honestly and bluntness were priceless. Dad wouldn't let any one get particularly close to him, given he was hurt, emotionally, on so many occasions growing up---he rarely got anything for Christmas (one year he got an apple and an orange hanging for the fireplace in one of his mothers black stockings), so while he LOVED spending time with his family at Christmas and other holidays, he also felt some hurt, even after all of these years. He lost his sister early on (she died from liver disease), so it was a tough life, but he made the most of it and earned everything himself...he had NO help from anyone, which why in my view, he was the best father I could have asked for.

Towards the end of his life, I ended up helping to take care of him, which was actually therapy for me, given the tough time I was having personally at the time. He and I grew even closer during that time. The day he passed, I cried harder than I ever have cried in my life.....it was hard to accept he was gone, but the lessons I learned from him will stay with me until its my time to go. I gave the eulogy at his funeral and while it was one of the toughest things I have ever done, it was also one of my proudest moments in that I let the world know what a great man he was. People who never met him walked up to me afterwards with tears in THEIR eyes, telling me "there should be more men like your dad on the planet". Well, I know I am biased, but, he is right----there should be more WALTER ROGERS walking this earth.....LOVE and MISS you more than life itself, Dad!

My mom; mom (Nana to her grandkids) was in many ways the polar oppostie of dad; warm, easy to approach, not afraid to show her feelings and emotions, never yelled, very delicate in her approach to things (she did not use a belt! fly swatter instead). The thing I most admire about my my mom is two things; her love and total dedication to her family. FAMILY WAS FIRST, over and above ANYTHING!!!! Second, she would give anyone and anybody help if they needed it (she was VERY good with managing money and her "ISM" was always "never spend more than you make"....HEY FEDERAL GOVERMENT----YA LISTENING?????". You always hear the cliche "He (she) would give you the shirt of his back". With her, this was absolutely the truth.....if anyone, especially family, needed help in any way shape or form, she was there. She cared so much about everyone, to the point of her detriment in that she WORRIED like no other person I have ever been around (which is where I get it form). My dad told me one time NOT to mention to her that any of my kids were not feeling well in that she would end up "pacing the floors" as my dad put it! Her worry was totally out of love and care for others. My dad worshipped the ground she walked on, as did her 3 boys, her grand and great grand kids and her freinds. I remember watching her taking care of HER mother when she was so sick....mom was at the nursing home EVERY SINGLE DAY for MONTHS! She never missed! She also took care of her cousin Pearl (my God mother) when SHE became ill and passed way. She NEVER thought of herself  first---she was without a doubt the most SELFLESS human on the planet, which could explain her demise at the end of her life. She was ALWAYS there for her family, no matter what the need, no matter what the problem, no matter what the situation......she was a gift, and a saint......she was very involved in her church and loved doing things fo people, soley out of kindness. I don;t know of ANYONE who had a SINGLE bad thing to say about her, other than that she was sometimes TOO selfless (which isn;t a bad thing per se). And, could she cook!!!!  OMG could she cook!!!! The July 4th and Labor Day weekend parties were a feast!!!  Emeril Lagasse and Bobby Flay have NOTHING on my mom when it comes to cooking!!!! Towards the end, mom had some health problems, suffering mainly from terrible bouts of depression, which ran in her family. It slowly ate away ate her and I convinced, thats why she passed way. It was sad to watch, since she was such a caring person (ok, here comes the wet eyes). She is in a better place I know, but there is not a day that goes by that I don't think of her at least 50 times. To this day, despite having the most wonderful family on the planet, I still ache that she is not with us. She would be so proud of how her family has blossomed, with new family members coming now through birth or marriage.....but as I said at my daughter Beckys wedding, she is with us! My theory is she is sitting on my right shoulder and dad is on my left! Mom, I never thanked you for being our Mom.....words will never describe the love we have for you and what a wonderful role model you were and how you put on a CLINIC on what it means to be kind and selfless......I hope that I can become even half the person you were, because there is nobody I know of who was so loving and caring. MISS and LOVE YOU, Mom!